The World According to Evil

A little tirade on personal responsibility...

2006-03-09T05:38:00.000-08:00

http://www.detnews.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20060309/LIFESTYLE/603090385

A national men's rights group plans to file a federal lawsuit this morning in U.S. District Court in Detroit, claiming that fathers have the legal right to opt out of the financial responsibilities of supporting a child they didn't want -- in a claim they dub "Roe v. Wade Â… for Men.",

W.T.F?

that's right folks... more of our amazing society trying to duck out of responsibility reciting the famous phrases my 5-year-old recites to me...

"It's not my fault."

I'm really sorry buddy, you may be 25 years old... have your whole life ahead of you... a budding career... perhaps just graduated from college... but shut the hell up. You, just by entering into this debate shows you are a spineless jackass. Call me old fashioned, but MY father told me if I wasn't ready for the responsibility of having a child, DON'T HAVE SEX. I learend from this sage advice, and had two children when I was old enough and responsible enough to handle it. You're wanting to dodge the responsibility of bringing a child into this world is the same asshat logic that brought us people suing lawn mower companies for dropping them on thier feet when they trimmed the bushes with them. NEXT TIME you think about putting your pathetic lil tool in a woman, maybe you had better think out the LONG TERM, as opposed to the SHORT TERM implications. I think I'm going to start a new non-profit group, the Coalition to Stop Stupid People. We will be armed with bats, and ALOT of attitude. When I say "stupid should be painful" I'll mean it. Welcome to the club Matt Dubay. I've got a Louisville Slugger with your name on it.

Nothing But Monkey Business

2006-03-03T10:17:00.000-08:00

Congratulations to the Detroit City Council. Once again this esteemed body has managed to completely play partisan politics, using tools such as bigotry and racism as tools for division, and done a great job of all but shuttering the Detroit Zoo. The Zoo itself has been around forever, and was a gift to the city by a bunch of amazing philanthropists. In it's time of being run by the city, Its had its license to buy or breed more animals revoked on a couple occasions, and nearly shuttered because of its poor conditions for the animals. SO, lets step back a couple months, where our Mayor cuts off funding for the Zoo's operations to the tune of a few million dollars. The city counsel was supposed to vote into action language for a state grant to carry the zoo into next year when it could begin some capital campaigns and such to take over economic responsibility. Well, due to the bickering, back-biting, and lack of action by the city council, the deadline for applying for the millions passed. Now, without an emergency bill sent through the Michigan house and senate, we may lose our beloved zoo.

WTF? Columbus has a zoo. Even Toledo has a zoo (which kick's the one in Detroit's ass). Losing this landmark and haven for childhood stories will put our region in the ranks of the Flint's of the world. I give up.

Thank you Detroit City Council. It really is too bad we suburbanites can't run in your city, and due to your idiocy, we, and our children will suffer.

Oh, and Coleman Young Jr. (the illegitimate son of the nefarious mayor) is running for the Michigan House. Please readers, pray for us.

It's Hamas... Not Hummus...

2006-01-26T08:43:00.000-08:00

Why is it people are so f--king stupid? Hmmm. Things in the Holy Land are about to take a turn! Hamas is large and in-charge! President Bush has to be sitting at his desk asking himself "What the hell was I thinking?" Give a downtrodden people in the middle east a little land, ALOT of financial aid, install a democratic election process, and watch one of your WORST ENEMIES get installed as the new government. NOW THAT'S DEMOCRACY! From the people that brought you Abu Abbas and the Achille Lauro fiasco, and Ibrahim Al-Makadmah whos responsible for the deaths of countless Israeli soldiers, Aziz Abdel Rantisi organizer of hundreds of deaths during one of the Intifada's... Comes a NEW PARLIAMENT! Woo! Hoo!

One can only hope that at their swearing in ceremonies they conclude with the ritualistic "blowing themselves up for Allah" they are now famous for. I can see it now... Military reform, Terrorist camps... Education reform, children's bomb-building classes... Political reform, "now that we have part of Israel, let's go for the whole thing."

Lord have mercy on anyone living at ground zero.

Who the F**K is Marinelli?

2006-01-19T06:45:00.000-08:00

Vietnam veteran, Buccaneers Assistant Head Coach, Toughest Guy in Football... BLAH. BLAH. BLAH. I think Matt Millen just sealed his coffin by hiring Rod Marinelli. Probably a nice guy, a wonderful family man, but JESUS. The Lions need a proven LEADER and WINNER to turn the fortunes of this very misguided team around. NOW, I'm also hearing that we are going to give away our first round pick this year to get Chris Simms from Tampa Bay to be another yet "untried commodity" to turn our team on a winning path. It all makes me wanna move to Pittsburgh, or Indianapolis, SOMEWHERE they GET IT. Indy wanted to win... the hired a proven winner on Tony Dungee... Kansas City wanted to win, so they hired Herm Edwards... The Red Wings want to win, they hire Mike Babcock. The Pistons want to win, they hire Flip Saunders. THE LIONS want to win, so they hire some guy with NO RECENT HEAD COACHING EXPERIENCE. Hell, Jimmy Johnson is out there (although I doubt he would EVER want to work for the Lions). Gary Moeller is out there and to date has the WINNINGEST record of all Lions coaches since Wayne Fontes. DITKA is out there (need I say more). Today I curse Matt Millen with the bites from a thousand fleas. Damn. I really thought he would get this one right. I really hope I am wrong, but unfortunately, I have history on my side... REMEMBER THE MORNHINWEG!

Chocolate City

2006-01-18T06:33:00.000-08:00

I swear if I made a racist, asshat statement like saying "I wish we could create 'whitey' city," I'd have Louis Farrakhan, Jessie Jackson and Al Sharpton piled onto my front lawn faster than you could say "ACLU Lawsuit." What the hell was Ray Nagin thinking? I know he was all excited about talking to a preacher previous to the speech, but DAMN. Lets go ahead Ray, and alienate a huge population from coming down to Mardi Gras... an event that brings your city $220,532,132. Sheesh. I have a prize for you Ray... You get "idiot of the week"... hands down.

GM's Lutz: Don't cut exec pay

2006-01-12T05:37:00.000-08:00

When there is an excuse for everything, GM's chief boner Bob Lutz (when asked about Kirk Kerkorian/Jerry York's proposal to cut EVERY GM executive and line worker's paycheck) said

"The capability of successfully trying to turn around an unsuccessful automobile company is a very rare and highly sought after skill set. And you do the shareholder no good whatsoever by reducing compensation to the point where everybody leaves."

WOW. I swear if any of my clients saw an overall decrease in marketshare and sales, and tanked their stock, they would fire me on the spot. OK.. OK... I know GM has a plan.. and here it is...

GM is cutting 30,000 hourly jobs across 12 U.S. facilities by 2008, shaving $1 billion from its nearly $6 billion annual health care tab through a deal with the United Auto Workers, and has lowered prices on most U.S. vehicle models to curb incentive spending.

OK, now my half-hearted analysis... Cutting 30,000 jobs will increase your unemployment burdens and keep your legal staff busy for YEARS trying to figure out what "rightful termination" is... OH, and your productivity will suffer as well having less people to do the same amount of work, probably raising your cash outlay in overtime and bringing in higher paid consultants. The health care part is a two edged sword, and will employees used to having great coverage stand for it, or will it affect the company? Who knows. Then they are trying to "stimulate" sales with cutting their prices and reducing their profit margins. Sounds like it makes sense to me. *sigh*

In summary (finally) I think we as consumers should hold GM (as well as the other domestic auto manufacturers accountable for their fiscal irresponsibility. Get executives into GM who are hungry and base their salaries on performance, not entitlement. We complain about how the unions have ruined the auto industry, but why do we NOT hold the same companies executives accountable for poor strategy, marginal marketing and poor products. After all... Who wants to buy an ugly, shoddily built car for a ugly, shoddily built and run company?

In Other News

2006-01-10T07:20:00.000-08:00

Harry Belafonte, Ed Asner and Danny Glover also commended the human rights work of Kim Jong-il. Saying to an already enthralled audience "I cannot believe the Bush administration can get things SO UNBELIEVABLY WRONG, about Jong-Il." When later asked "what they had been smoking?", the three washed-up celebs declined comment.

We have another winner....

2006-01-10T07:06:00.000-08:00

Harry Belafonte and Danny Glover are at it again in a star-studded asshat adventure "DAY-OLD." It's a rousing comedy about two washed up performers use their broken down soap-boxes to spread treasonous slander against our elected leaders!

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,181030,00.html

If only stupid were painful.

"Turkey Tries to Contain Bird Flu Outbreak"

2006-01-10T06:55:00.000-08:00

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,181170,00.html

What a great headline is this?

It's Super Bowl Time! - Part One

2006-01-09T06:40:00.000-08:00

Probably the second best thing about Detroit (other than we have all of the major sports teams to cheer for/boo at), is we are home of the auto industry. Well.. OK. We don't have a lot of things to be thankful for here, so cut me some slack.

ANYWAY... Today is like the "Super Bowl" for the US auto industry. The North American International Auto Show begins this morning, when we as consumers get to see the pieces of overpriced crap the "big three" are rolling onto and over us. Ill get into the pieces of crap in another post, what I want to talk about is "Media Day."

This is my first year actually working downtown, and definitely my first day of commuting during such an auspicious event. The traffic was from hell. Between the bevy of Manufacturer-plated SUV's and large executive sedans weaving through the highways of metro Detroit. It looked more like a pinball machine than a transportation system. Now, I know this is an important day, and these "executives" probably needed extra time to match their socks and all, but do they all have to act like jackasses with cellphones jammed in one ear and a "skinny latte" being strangled by the other? Damn. Makes me wish I had a little semi-auto shotgun to take some of these idiots out. Hmmm. We may even get better cars out of the deal?

Playing in "the middle"

2006-01-05T06:34:00.000-08:00

GM today announced it way laying off 500 engineers from its Tech Center in Warren. After the Aztec, HHR, Malibu, Lumina, and to be honest, the latest SLEW of ugly-ass vanilla products developed by GM, I'm surprised they aren't firing 5,000. I cannot believe people are surprised that competition has swallowed GM almost completely, and driven it to the point where no one wants thier cars. Why? They are ugly and void of character. GM has too long tried to "play in the middle" in their styling and products, and will continue to fail miserably at it. Montgomery Wards, K-Mart, Lord & Taylor, Crowleys, Mervyn's and the like learned what playing "in the middle" of their market segment does to their brand, and does to their profit margins. Being like "everyone else" will make you do the same as all of the others... go out of business. Mazda learned this... Diamler Chrysler learned this... Ford is beginning to see the light... Why is GM so clueless? Is it a matter of steering a battleship harder than a speedboat? Or has GM just become accustomed to everyone "buying what they are given and market the hell out of it". Sure they have fought their quality issues, sure they are trying to "right the ship" financially... they still build ugly cars, and THAT above all else will wreck any company. You can walk around drunk knowing one day you will sober up, but you can't do the same when you are ugly.

I wish I had the "bird flu."

2006-01-02T15:37:00.000-08:00

So at 2:30 last night it began. Shakes, scoots, and alot of vomiting later... I have the flu. At least I made it through New Year's with out sickness, but I can only imagine how many people I have infected over the past couple days. At least if I had the bird flu, my HMO would let me goto the hospital for real drugs. Instead, I sit here, fever, running down the hall every 15 minutes or so, and deciding whether to import a load of Chinese chickens on the sly.

Gotta run.

300,000 People...

2005-12-27T08:09:00.000-08:00

The AP ran a story today about a mass grave being discovered in Iraq, possibly dating back to 1991. I was reading, and a quote sent shivers down my spine...

"Human rights organizations estimate that more than 300,000 people, mainly Kurds and Shiite Muslims, were killed and buried in mass graves during Saddam's 23-year rule, which ended when U.S.-led forces toppled his regime in 2003. Saddam and seven co-defendants are now on trial for the deaths of more than 140 Shiites after a 1982 attempt on Saddam's life in the town of Dujail, north of Baghdad."

And STILL people condemn the Bush administration for going in there and extricating the murdering f**khead? Is it because they were Muslim? Is it because they WEREN'T Jewish? WHY are people still questioning this action to liberate these poor, tortured people? Ok. Ok... I know Saddam didn't unleash a WMD and kill everyone in the cities of Sterling Heights, Warren and Troy. Sure, if you average it out, it's only 13,043 dead Iraqis a year? RIGHT? Hey, maybe another 200,000 and he would get a free set of steak knives from the Idi Amin school for self-improvement and torture? Maybe he was working his way up to Hitler-esque numbers by supporting groups of terror?

I am continually amazed by the blatant lack of humanity that exudes from the "left" side of this country. Lies or no lies, Intelligence breaches, whatever. Let's remember we are human first, and political pundits second.

WE HAVE A WINNER!

2005-12-21T05:12:00.000-08:00

If you all have not gotten a blitzkrieg from the Detroit Patriotette... One of our local "New Fallujah" bretheren is at it again. Speaking from the cesspool of southeastern Michigan, John Conyers is at it again...

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,179315,00.html

I especially like the remark from Ann Hauser:

Republican National Committee spokeswoman Ann Marie Hauser said if Conyers "spent half the time condemning terrorism that he does condemning the President of the United States, he would be a credible voice in the war on terror."

I guess they have to do something to keep pro-Bush news off of the radar. Talk of censure and impeachment is much sexier than say, Oh gosh, were doing a GREAT job in Iraq? Violence is down, elections have been held, and golly, a tyrannical dictator with a propensity for torture is out of office and being tried for war crimes?

Here's to you John Conyers, the winner of this week's, and my first award called "The Asshat".

A Public Service Announcement about Zingerman's Cheese.

2005-12-20T10:43:00.000-08:00

I just bit into a terrible apple. Pretty much rotten on the inside, and yes, for a moment I was feeling pretty disgusted... And then it happened.

I was reminded by a dear friend of a time I bit into something called "Zingerman's Log".

On that fateful day I was having a wonderful time at a local wine bar, guzzling my share of red wines of the world. There was a buffet laid out with all sorts of exotic cheeses and meats that went very well with the wines. Except for one. It looked sort of like garbage and phlegm sorta mixed up. Being an adventurous eater, I asked the waiter what it was...

"Zingerman's Log" he replied.

Now mind you I have at one point or another eaten just about anything that walks or crawls on this planet, so I had no trepidation in putting "Zingerman's Log" into my mouth, name be damned.

An explosion happened in my mouth. Not since I had unintentionally had my mouth vomited into by my lactose-intolerant one-year-old, had I had anything so disgusting enter my body. This was truly revolting, and it tasted just as it looked, a combination of phlegm and garbage with a slight hint of cat feces to boot.

Today reminds me to e-mail Zingerman's and tell them their cheese tastes and smells like week-old amish farm ass. Of course knowing my luck, they will send me free "week-old amish farm ass" tasting cheese, or better yet, a sampler of all of their "week-old amish farm ass" tasting cheeses...

Now, where is the remains of that apple?

Any company that schedules delivery can goto hell.

2005-12-19T06:03:00.000-08:00

SO, here I sit. I was called yesterday by a regional furniture store regarding the delivery of a couch and end table for my new home.

"Anytime between noon and 4:00PM"

The words still ring in my head like I got punched by Mike Tyson. OK. Let me start at the beginning...

I had ordered a couch and loveseat last week, and took a full day off to receive my merchandise. Paying an additional $50 to have the stuff delivered. Of course when it did, it fell apart in front of my eyes. Literally the back brace of the couch had snapped in transit. I went back to the store, picked out new merchandise, was treated fairly and downright kindly by the sales associate and manager, and sent on my way with a smile on my face.

"Anytime between noon and 4:00PM"

now here I sit, ready to pounce on a manager who should call me explaining WHY I have to sit on my ass waiting for 6 hours waiting for merchandise to arrive. In this day and age, don't you think they could be a LITTLE more accurate with their estimates? If I gave one of my clients a 4-hour window for arrival at a meeting, I would get fired.

Here's to you Art Van, and Comcast, and every other business that delivers. Kiss my lily white ass.

Don't you shush me.

2005-12-16T12:10:00.000-08:00

Well, I think I'm in big trouble. There's a little "conservababy" on it's way, and I don't think I could be more excited and proud for her mother. Usually, I wouldn't post a picture, but I had to. I have been called "Uncle Evil" already, and although she's not a part of my genetic makeup, I pray I can be a positive voice of clam and direction in her life. Having Zack and Nick (my boys) has taught me that you can never surround your children with enough positive influences, and I'm delighted to be a part of her, and her mother's life. For me, children created a base from which all things flow through, and a reason to strive to greater heights and successes. Of course, what I'm really looking forward to is tea parties, Barbies, and maybe once... just once, braiding a little girls hair before she heads outside to play. Welcome to the world sweetie, it'll get a bit louder from here on in.

I seriously cannot believe this...

2005-12-14T21:08:00.000-08:00

But, I'm going to give the French some props. Not for Crepes, which are truly wonderful, but for coming to the aid of a fledging country back in 1777. Thanks to you Marquis de Lafayette, and thanks to all of France. Without troops, equipment, military leadership and training by a professional army, the United States of America may never have been born. There was violence, setbacks, and to be honest, we poor Americans got our collective asses whooped for awhile. But with help, guidance, and patience, we forged the world's greatest democracy.

Ahem. If you need a history lesson, here it is in black and white...

http://www.historyplace.com/unitedstates/revolution/revwar-75.htm

The US being in Iraq bears little difference. Sure, I love the fact that we are trying to paralyze terrorist organizations, and freeing Iraq from a brutal jackass regime, but what makes me proud is how our actions mirror those of a benevolent nation who had faith in the future of a fledgling country. One that lent a hand when we needed it. We as Americans tend to forget where we came from, and the principles our nation was founded on. Liberal isolationism, and cries for "peace" will just show other nations who wish to shed their primitive political systems that we just don't care, and have completely forgotten that at one time WE were the ones fighting a war for democracy, using nothing but bravery, and whatever weapon we could find.

God Bless you France, and keep the crepes coming.

Still Bored at Work

2005-12-14T12:45:00.000-08:00

Once again, it had to be done for all of our sakes...

Merry Christmas!

Mmmmm. A big helping of anti-war pie.

2005-12-14T10:29:00.000-08:00

After seeing the latest anti-war/freedom tactic from Patty Sheehan... I decided to do what I thought was best for everyone.

Keep on mowin.. I mean truckin.

Four people I wish I could have talked to...

2005-12-13T07:26:00.000-08:00

Albert Owens, TsaiI-Shai Yang, Yen-I Yang, Ye-Chen Lin most likely never thought that their fixation on getting a Slurpee one day would lead to what I think is a beginning of new lows in the American moral fabric. People came out in droves to plead for the life of Stanley Williams, or "Big Took" as his fellow gang members called him. A man who helped start one of the most viscous gangs in America, a person who probably was responsible for more pain and death in this country than any 10 in ANY prison here. Yet there people were, following such amazing intellectuals such as Snoop Dogg, Mike Farrell, Jamie Foxx, and Bianca Jagger in a lemming-like state. I wonder sometimes if these people ever had a sense for right and wrong.

Myself, I believe Tookie got off easy. No pain, not much suffering, just a slow sleep, and right into death. No pain, or spray of your relations blood as a shotgun blast ripped them apart. No desperate pleading for his life at the hands of a maniacal killer. Just sleep.

I ask myself, would Tookie have "found the light" of redemption if he hadn't been caught and prosecuted? Would he have changed if his sentence wasn't death? I highly doubt either of these things. In fact, I'm willing to bet large sums of money that he would have died like his victims eventually, living a lifestyle of pain. I hope he carries with him into the afterlife the scars he inflicted on his countless victims. Burn in hell Tookie... Even Hitler made children's books.

I know I'm supposed to be a capitalist.. but...

2005-12-12T09:46:00.000-08:00

I was plowing my way through the Detroit News, and ran across this article regarding hydrogen as an energy resource:

http://www.detnews.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20051212/OPINION03/512120358/1148

In reading it (of course after reading an article about how Ford is building bigger and bigger SUV's), a quote struck me like a lightning bolt...

"The way Burns sees it, the big energy companies have little incentive to invest in new capacity production that carries the risk of being in excess of demand for fuel. “As such, the oil companies have the favorable perfect storm,” Burns argues, “in that they have capacity short of demand and they have constraints in their supply chain that explain away why they have to raise prices.”
The result is an “outrageous” transfer of wealth to the oil industry, as evidenced by the fact that ExxonMobil’s profits are greater than GM’s market capitalization. What galls Burns is that the auto industry has been driven to the point where it is giving its cars away and the oil industry is making the money on supplying fuel."

"GREATER THAN GM’s MARKET CAPITALIZATION?" W...T...F?!

The author states that GM will have an economically competitive hydrogen driven car developed by 2010...

Sign me up Mr. Burns. Ill place my order now, and flip a finger to ExxonMobil, and the rest of the oil-rich asshats in the world.

And in the words of the Patriotette...

2005-12-12T08:46:00.000-08:00

My youngest has a little problem with leaving the bathroom door open when he uses the toilet. Probably from some "open door paranoid policy" my ex-wife has in place. This weekend, when visiting briefly with the Detroit Patriotette, my youngest (who also has a bladder the size of an i-Pod nano) scurries down the hall to use the room, where you hear him begin to use the facilities. Of course being the "responsible parental figure" in the realtionship, I put on my best "dad" voice, and tell him to "CLOSE THE DOOR".

The Patriotette, so eloquently responded to my order with words that will ring in my head forever...

"HEY. If it's something I haven't seen before, Ill cut it off. OK?"

You're going to make a great Mom Patriotette. Never forget that. ;)

An uneventful weekend...

2005-12-12T08:33:00.000-08:00

As I shopped for my new digs in town, the words of the Patriotette kept ringing through my head... "You have the greatest kids, how do you do it?"

Well, its simple. I'm a parent.

I'm not a buddy, I'm not their pal, I am their Dad. Yep, the "I get the big piece of chicken" kinda Dad. They don't give me crap, because I don't give them crap. There is little negotiation (negotiating with a seven year old is like coaxing a bottle of tanqueray from a Kennedy), and little room for discussion. It's not that I'm a dictator, I just keep variables out of their lives. I set and keep boundaries, and to be honest... YES, I have disciplined my kids. Not in a "locked in the closet for a day" kind of thing, but I actually STUDY my kids, and see what makes them tick. My oldest responds well to guilt (probably some latent catholic tendency I passed onto him, and responds well when I tell him he has disappointed me). My youngest of course is a social butterfly, and exclusion from fun is his hot-button. Using the tools I've developed... OF COURSE I'm a good parent. No beatings, no suffering, just calm, wonderful times with my children.

So... Take a little time. Figure out your kids, and it'll take your relationship(s) to a whole new level.

I'll keep you posted on when they get bigger and smarter than me. ;)

I hope you had fun Patriotette. The little men had a ball with you, and can hardly wait until next time.

Right out of a sitcom...

2005-12-05T11:18:00.000-08:00

So there I was with my two young children. It was Thanksgiving weekend, and we were on the road to "up north" (all of you from Michigan will know thats a generic term for anything in Michigan north of Flint). My children safely buclkled into their backseats, casually munching away on their McDonalds happy meals. An hour passes...

Just as we are approaching "up north" (just north of Flint) I hear the all-too-familiar sound of one of my children heaving from being car sick. Yes, this is a familiar sound, and sort of reminds one of a cat with a hairball...

I turn to see my son heaving into his "Happy meal" bag. I was actually surprised at the fact he heaved into anything besides mid-air, and a smile broke out on my face. "Great job buddy!" I exclaimed, beaming with the pride only a father can show. Now that's using your..."

And the vomit soaked happy meal bag's bottom gave way.

"head."

Today's life lesson... wrap your kids and car in saran wrap before going "up north." It keeps the kids in their car seats better, and makes for easy cleanup of pre-digested french fries.

OK. OK. I know I'm new to this...

2005-12-05T10:48:00.000-08:00

I figured at least blogging would be good therapy for a world gone insane. I am hooked on the eloquent dialogue of the Conservababes, and figured if I owned a blog of my own, no one could mess with me. :) So here I am... master of my domain... ready for rants of all flavors and topics. Look out. I just got called a moron by a "self proclaimed morality expert." who sounded more as if he got up on the wrong side of Auchwitz this morning. See more, and yes... I decided not to enter into a playful banter with a hate-monger.

http://www.conservativeunderground.com/forum/showthread.php?p=517776&posted=1#post517776

When trying to be intelligent and try to "see the right side of things" I was ambushed by idiocy once again. When citing specific facts, I got dumped on by some self-proclaimed expert at AIDS statistics...

And yet we allow them air.